Empty

A lifeless room full of never lived moments.
The moonlight kisses my cheeks as trying to stop the sobbing. Sometimes I can feel a warm hug around me, but most of the time it is just me. Talking as if she's there. Like mother and daughter, except that my voice is the only sound one could hear.
The longing comes in waves, trigged by daily events, by daily conversations.
My womb is empty, my arms are empty. My life is losing the meaning and I lost the track of things, walking around on the autopilot.
Still, I am trying to reconnect.

Myself

It hurts knowing I've been trying so hard to fit. To belong. To do my best.
But it is never going to be good enough.
I am never going to be good enough.
I am always wrong no matter what.


I disappoint myself.

Mistake

I am a mistake.

Pain

We are parents now.
We are parents of a little angel, who is with the Lord now.

Our little Claire was born last November. We already knew she was not ok. She underwent a surgery after her birth, but her lungs were just too weak.
And she left us two days after bringing her light to life.

It feels like a life. I have always known she was coming, my Claire Bear. So tiny and pretty...

It is just so hard go through the everydays... Thinking about her every moment. So many IFs...


The pain will never go away.


#She could also hear# The Head and The Heart – Gone