A New Feeling

As the 21st week of gestation begins, I find myself overwhelmed with this new feeling.

I am not the same Mabel before our little Claire, nor I am the one I turned out to be after she was born, nor the one after she died. I see a new me, with different new feelings and doubts about motherhood as a whole.

I do not know if I will be able to protect her from everything, not even from herself, once she is a grown up. However, while I do know that little L is ours to be - she is ours to stay - I am afraid of a shadow of my former selfs, shadows of the love for Claire. I am afraid this love could somehow overlay the love I feel for the little L inside of me. I am afraid to compare the one we lost with the one we have now.
I am afraid of this new me. I am afraid of this new feeling...


#She could also hear# The House of  The Raising Sun – The Animals